I overhead my humans talking tonight about someone called Sane Patrick. has anyone heard this? apparently he actually owns one day out of the year, and everyone celebrates.
I've done a little research, and it appears that in honor of this Sane Patrick (who also loved potatoes and corned beef) everyone wears funny green hats and puts green beverages in mugs. and they let mini humans run around in green outfits, and then sacrifice them to a pot of gold.
it's all very strange. and there's this strange green leaf that pops up everywhere: pins, hats, shirts, aprons, underwear -- you name it, it's there.
I JUST DON'T GET IT.
so because it doesn't make a whisker of sense to me, but I still love a good party, I am going to claim my OWN day for cattdom: March 18th (because the humans will be too hung over to notice) is now hereby declawed as THE FESTIVAL OF FATHER O'TABBY!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
4 things
i've been super busy. too busy to blog. but today I'm making time to do something a little mindless, and I'm stealing my human's post idea. just for fun.
so here are 4 THINGS ABOUT MYSELF:
Four jobs I have had in my lives:
1. assistant to pharaoh
2. rumpleteaser understudy
3. paper shredder
4. hiss-tory professor
Four movies I would watch over and over (or have watched over and over):
1. cats & dogs (cats rule, dogs drool)
2. the lion, the witch and the wardrobe (did you SEE that cat?!)
3. the shaggy dog (I enjoy seeing a dumb human become a dumb dog)
4. the jungle book (the bear is annoying, but the panther exudes cool)
Four places I have lived:
1. saginaw (where I was attacked by flying water)
2. kalamazoo (where i was a boxing champion)
3. kentwood (where I saw monsters in the snow)
4. wyoming (nothing excited has happened yet)
Four TV shows that I watch:
1. ellen
2. family guy (strangely enough, I totally relate to stewie)
3. the deadliest catch (that water is scary, but I can't look away!)
4. the moment of truth (stupid humans)
Four places I have been:
1. in a u-haul truck
2. game stop parking lot on the beltline
3. katie & adam's old house
4. the vet (it reeks of death...)
Four people who email (or see) me regularly:
1. the short hair
2. the bald one
3. the princess
4. the one I'm stalking
Four of my favorite (human) foods:
(cat food makes me want to vomit and then eat it again)
1. chocolate icing
2. granola
3. oyster crackers
4. TUNA
Four places I would like to be right now:
1. outside
2. in a tree
3. catalina
4. under the bed (the humans put all their crap under there!)
Four things I am looking forward to this year:
1. BIRDS
2. learning Hungarian
3. getting a bath (I secretly love them!)
4. the humans NOT taking me to the vet (keep your paws crossed!)
Four souls who should also do this:
1. emmett (I know you're out there, dude...)
2. the red hair
3. heathcliff (his life is crazy)
4. saint morris
so here are 4 THINGS ABOUT MYSELF:
Four jobs I have had in my lives:
1. assistant to pharaoh
2. rumpleteaser understudy
3. paper shredder
4. hiss-tory professor
Four movies I would watch over and over (or have watched over and over):
1. cats & dogs (cats rule, dogs drool)
2. the lion, the witch and the wardrobe (did you SEE that cat?!)
3. the shaggy dog (I enjoy seeing a dumb human become a dumb dog)
4. the jungle book (the bear is annoying, but the panther exudes cool)
Four places I have lived:
1. saginaw (where I was attacked by flying water)
2. kalamazoo (where i was a boxing champion)
3. kentwood (where I saw monsters in the snow)
4. wyoming (nothing excited has happened yet)
Four TV shows that I watch:
1. ellen
2. family guy (strangely enough, I totally relate to stewie)
3. the deadliest catch (that water is scary, but I can't look away!)
4. the moment of truth (stupid humans)
Four places I have been:
1. in a u-haul truck
2. game stop parking lot on the beltline
3. katie & adam's old house
4. the vet (it reeks of death...)
Four people who email (or see) me regularly:
1. the short hair
2. the bald one
3. the princess
4. the one I'm stalking
Four of my favorite (human) foods:
(cat food makes me want to vomit and then eat it again)
1. chocolate icing
2. granola
3. oyster crackers
4. TUNA
Four places I would like to be right now:
1. outside
2. in a tree
3. catalina
4. under the bed (the humans put all their crap under there!)
Four things I am looking forward to this year:
1. BIRDS
2. learning Hungarian
3. getting a bath (I secretly love them!)
4. the humans NOT taking me to the vet (keep your paws crossed!)
Four souls who should also do this:
1. emmett (I know you're out there, dude...)
2. the red hair
3. heathcliff (his life is crazy)
4. saint morris
Monday, November 19, 2007
writer's block
so nothing really interesting has been happening here as of late. the humans are never around... and when they are, they've been putting stuff in boxes.
I KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS.
and I'm resigned to the fact. this occurs with startling regularity, and so I am convinced one of the following must be true:
1. they are secret agents.
while this romantic notion is the most exciting, and fills my mind with thoughts of spies and subterfuge, trench coats and sabotage (and would explain all the puzzles and codes the short-hair loves) these humans just simply aren't smart enough, or quick enough, or ninja-ey enough for this to be the explanation.
2. they are running from the law.
however, they're too straight to be crooks, their getaway car is a joke, and I've never seen a bag of loot.
3. I'm in the witness protection program and have amnesia.
this is the most likely scenario. they rarely let me out (and never unchaperoned) and every now and then they let me look at a one-cat lineup, where I always involuntarily hiss and feel very hostile towards the subject. they then close the door, say, "good piscin!" and then act as if nothing just happened. (this has happened four times, I've been attacked once, and one subject was in a cage) the memories I do have, are they even real? has my whole "life" been a lie? OH, and always, ALWAYS after this occurs, we relocate to a new living-cubicle.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
TAG
humans and their silly games. well, I will play along this once. I think my human "tagged" me in jest, not truly realizing that I blog. she thought she was funny.
I'll show her funny.
here are 10 random facts, habits or goals about myself. I will not be tagging anyone, as I don't know anyone else, and even the ones I'm acquainted with I only know by description. I will list them however, just to amuse myself.
1. I worry that I will be an old maid. I'm not exactly sure what a "maid" is, but I sure don't want to be an old one.
2. I have raw talent for bird calling. I practice all the time, and one day I will be the best.
3. i'm deathly afraid of plastic bags. a plastic bag killed my father.
4. food is my vice. I've been known to beg for human food...cupcake frosting, pot pie, oyster crackers, french fries, granola.....oh, morris, granola!!!
5. my four paws are white, like I'm wearing boots.
6. i want to know what's behind the door and down the hall, but I want to explore it myself...not be carried by a stupid human. so demeaning.
7. In my prime I was a boxing champion, feared by strays. No one comes into my house. One hiss from me and they wouldn't even come near my house.
8. I witnessed the murder of two baby rabbits. I can still hear the screams.
9. I'm addicted to the box of moving pictures. the humans don't know, but that's the real reason why I sit on the back of their cushiony furniture, so they won't see how engrossed I am. I pretend to sleep.
10. going for a ride in my humans' car is exhilerating! my picture gets taken (though I don't always know where to look), and sometimes I feel like I might throw up, but I haven't yet!
10 humans I know:
the short-hair -- while her head is also good for running vault takeoffs, she won me over with her patience
the bald one -- he's been known to leave me places, but he's always glad when I find my way home. also a good back-scratcher.
the long-hair -- there's just something about this one...
the red-haired one aka "gaius" -- a trusted spook. my humans can never see us together.
the belt-wearing brown-hair -- often attached to the red-hair's arm. I like the funny gurgly noises she makes.
the gangly one -- he likes to hold me in physically uncomfortable positions. I try to give my humans "the look"...you know, the glare that says, "You've GOT to be kidding me." I think they got it...I haven't seen him around in a long time.
the princess -- she likes me for who I am and is always concerned with how I'm doing. I like that.
the british one -- he calls me "pishy"
the content one -- she doesn't come over often, but she's always very happy when she's here. from what I can gather, she drives the same vehicle as my short-hair and they are very good friends. I approve.
the scrawny orange-hair -- I've seen him once. he was plotting with the short-hair about some type of proposal. I tried to figure it out, but words like "tri-unity" mean nothing to me. and what is an "ashley"?
the skinny bald one -- he gives off that don't-like-cats vibe. which is fine. I'm sure I give off a don't-like-vegetarians vibe.
the our-mrs. human -- apparently she still is in possession of some of my humans' round disc things. she's really tall, which terrifies me, but her jovial bubbliness is pleasing to my ears from the other end of the apartment.
the blonde one -- she had to be taught to flush the toilet before I would drink out of it, but she was a quick learner
I'll show her funny.
here are 10 random facts, habits or goals about myself. I will not be tagging anyone, as I don't know anyone else, and even the ones I'm acquainted with I only know by description. I will list them however, just to amuse myself.
1. I worry that I will be an old maid. I'm not exactly sure what a "maid" is, but I sure don't want to be an old one.
2. I have raw talent for bird calling. I practice all the time, and one day I will be the best.
3. i'm deathly afraid of plastic bags. a plastic bag killed my father.
4. food is my vice. I've been known to beg for human food...cupcake frosting, pot pie, oyster crackers, french fries, granola.....oh, morris, granola!!!
5. my four paws are white, like I'm wearing boots.
6. i want to know what's behind the door and down the hall, but I want to explore it myself...not be carried by a stupid human. so demeaning.
7. In my prime I was a boxing champion, feared by strays. No one comes into my house. One hiss from me and they wouldn't even come near my house.
8. I witnessed the murder of two baby rabbits. I can still hear the screams.
9. I'm addicted to the box of moving pictures. the humans don't know, but that's the real reason why I sit on the back of their cushiony furniture, so they won't see how engrossed I am. I pretend to sleep.
10. going for a ride in my humans' car is exhilerating! my picture gets taken (though I don't always know where to look), and sometimes I feel like I might throw up, but I haven't yet!
10 humans I know:
the short-hair -- while her head is also good for running vault takeoffs, she won me over with her patience
the bald one -- he's been known to leave me places, but he's always glad when I find my way home. also a good back-scratcher.
the long-hair -- there's just something about this one...
the red-haired one aka "gaius" -- a trusted spook. my humans can never see us together.
the belt-wearing brown-hair -- often attached to the red-hair's arm. I like the funny gurgly noises she makes.
the gangly one -- he likes to hold me in physically uncomfortable positions. I try to give my humans "the look"...you know, the glare that says, "You've GOT to be kidding me." I think they got it...I haven't seen him around in a long time.
the princess -- she likes me for who I am and is always concerned with how I'm doing. I like that.
the british one -- he calls me "pishy"
the content one -- she doesn't come over often, but she's always very happy when she's here. from what I can gather, she drives the same vehicle as my short-hair and they are very good friends. I approve.
the scrawny orange-hair -- I've seen him once. he was plotting with the short-hair about some type of proposal. I tried to figure it out, but words like "tri-unity" mean nothing to me. and what is an "ashley"?
the skinny bald one -- he gives off that don't-like-cats vibe. which is fine. I'm sure I give off a don't-like-vegetarians vibe.
the our-mrs. human -- apparently she still is in possession of some of my humans' round disc things. she's really tall, which terrifies me, but her jovial bubbliness is pleasing to my ears from the other end of the apartment.
the blonde one -- she had to be taught to flush the toilet before I would drink out of it, but she was a quick learner
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
meow-moir
so the reason i haven't been posting much as of late is because i've been working on my memoir (or meow-moir, for my feline-fluent crowd). yes, i'm young yet, but if this donald miller human can do it, so can i.
there's some disturbing stuff in here... i've been locked in a sauna with two shaking white boxes... hosed down in a porcelain box...
yet i also have tales of adventure:
the time i catapulted myself off a human's head... wandered down the hall when the door was open... a near-death experience involving a VERY LARGE flying creature... and of course, my boxing championship against a local stray.
there's some good stuff here. i figure i'll try to record as much as possible while life has slowed down a bit. and there'll be plenty of anecdotes about the resident humans... i've seen them do some really silly things. i'm sure it will be entertaining for all of you.
well, that is what i am up to. it may take a while as i have to sneak onto the computer while the humans are gone, and the short-hair hasn't left much this week.
so i merely compose my thoughts and prepare for the next opportunity.
until then, here's a couple recent photos. i'm thinking of trying online dating, or maybe just myspace. so which picture should i use? they're both quite flattering, if i do say so myself. 
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
Saturday, June 09, 2007
I'm told I'm a good sport...but a horrible neighbor
friday night. this was my prisoner.
this is how I felt about the prisoner.
the humans aren't quite sure how she got here, but she will pay. this is my house, and I do not say neighborly things like "mi casa su casa." no way, jose.
but first, I have some questions.
what is your name?
what is your quest?
what is the average air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
rabbit? what rabbit? i don't see a rabbit. what's a rabbit?
when the humans came home, they took these away from me, scolding me about some stupid geneva convention.
i don't do conventions.
cruel and unusual?
perhaps.
said prisoner rested comfortably in the refuse room. the bald one brought her out, probably for a tour -- he can be so hoSPITable. we had words. practiced our snake impersonations. I did restrain myself, though -- and my claws, since she's pretty defenseless except for some trimmed (ha!) hind claws. she may not even be a real cat...no claws...what kind of human-informed nonsense is that?! she wasn't much of a threat.
but I will say this (and the humans bear witness) SHE STARTED IT.
the humans meanwhile discovered where the vagabond came from, and have returned her to her rightful owner. i was under the bed when the actual exchange took place, but it sounded like it went well.
for me it was a tense weekend...i'm glad it's over, and my house is back to normal. silly humans...this is my house. and where are my tools of pain?!
this is how I felt about the prisoner.
the humans aren't quite sure how she got here, but she will pay. this is my house, and I do not say neighborly things like "mi casa su casa." no way, jose.
but first, I have some questions.
what is your name?
what is your quest?
what is the average air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
rabbit? what rabbit? i don't see a rabbit. what's a rabbit?
when the humans came home, they took these away from me, scolding me about some stupid geneva convention.
i don't do conventions.
cruel and unusual?
perhaps.
said prisoner rested comfortably in the refuse room. the bald one brought her out, probably for a tour -- he can be so hoSPITable. we had words. practiced our snake impersonations. I did restrain myself, though -- and my claws, since she's pretty defenseless except for some trimmed (ha!) hind claws. she may not even be a real cat...no claws...what kind of human-informed nonsense is that?! she wasn't much of a threat.
but I will say this (and the humans bear witness) SHE STARTED IT.
the humans meanwhile discovered where the vagabond came from, and have returned her to her rightful owner. i was under the bed when the actual exchange took place, but it sounded like it went well.
for me it was a tense weekend...i'm glad it's over, and my house is back to normal. silly humans...this is my house. and where are my tools of pain?!
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