looking down on the world

hello, adoring fans!! it is i, once again.

i've come to learn the telltale signs for when the brigand bipeds are planning to leave me. nay, ABANDON me. and THIS time, the secluded one departed as well. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?! do i smell bad? it's not my fault!! seriously, people and pets. there is nothing i can do about that.

telltale sign #1: a veritable MOUND of food in my food dish, overflowing onto the floor.
telltale sign #2: the refuse device lid left in the UP position in one or both of the refuse rooms.
telltale sign #3: multiple bag type objects HANGING off the hapless humans, being carted out of the apartment.
telltale sign #4: both humans getting all up in my grill to pet my head, speak to me with strange voice inflections and WAVE to me.


so what is this WAVING about? i really don't get it. do they think i can wave back? can't really do that. i can BAT things with my kitty paws, but it doesn't really come across as waving. it comes across more like, HEY PAPARAZZI, I SAID GET OUT OF MY FACE!!!!




telltale sign #5: humanus absentia

are kitty food, gravel and grape nuts the same thing?

i believe that the short one has lost the use of her legs. seriously, the woman has not left her lazy girl chair for nearly the past two days. normally i have to sit on her lap in order to keep her from getting up and leaving me. but not so anymore, in fact i have taken several walks, finished the latest harry potter novel AND went to the bathroom only to find that she still sat in the same place, with a wire leading from her hands to the moving box in the corner. sad really, she was a good pet, but i fear i may have to put her down.

speaking of putting down the humans, ...the fat one tried to tell me that i didn't NEED any more food or water, to which i informed him that he didn't NEED to live any longer













needless to say, i got both food AND water. fresh cold water.

i must go, i hear one of them meandering down the hall and they will be here any moment, unless they stop at the cooling box to stuff their faces. if you ask me, I should be the one eating at my leisure, and THEY should be the ones on a portion controled diet of water and burnt popcorn kerrnels. or whatever this crap is in my dish.

i mean seriously, would it be so hard to add a little gravy to this garbage?! or maybe even try one of those fresh, soft kitty meals i see advertised on the moving box. hmmm? whadd'ya say? naaawww, i didn't think so ya cheap bastards. stick with the 50 lbs of rock salt for $3, i just looooooove that.

damn! they are here i must go, viva la kitty-lution !!!!

abandoned AGAIN

$^_(*5(&^% HUMANS!!

the biped blues

weekends are so long when the humans are gone. i don't know where they went, and it was kind of a surprise that they left. all of a sudden they were crowding around me and picking me up, and then they walked out the door. i wonder if that's what death will be like.

the other one, the loud one, she stayed here. i will give her credit, though. she made sure i had food and beverage. i bet the other two put her up to it. the left behind one, she hung out with a familiar human i call "the royal one". i recognized her and she hangs out with the married ones a lot, so i let her stay.

but, it was a boring weekend. no one to give me chocolate frosting, no one's stomach to sleep on, no arms to stretch my claws on, no one to watch the tv shows I like with, and no one to talk to that REALLY understands me. the secluded one usually just mocks me. the royal one i think genuinely likes me, and she always greets me quite pleasantly. i'm glad i let her live.

i went through a sort of withdrawal when both the bipeds left me this weekend. i didn't start feeling back to my normal self until they had been home a few hours. this home is so empty when they leave. it makes me want to brave that moving box thing again, just so i don't feel left behind. all the fast-moving scenery and images was very confusing for my little brain, but i didn't get sick so it can't be all bad...and they seemed to enjoy it.

so, that's my next goal. clock more time in the box-on-wheels so i can spend more time with my humans.

so glad they're home...