writer's block

so nothing really interesting has been happening here as of late. the humans are never around... and when they are, they've been putting stuff in boxes.

I KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS.

and I'm resigned to the fact. this occurs with startling regularity, and so I am convinced one of the following must be true:

1. they are secret agents.

while this romantic notion is the most exciting, and fills my mind with thoughts of spies and subterfuge, trench coats and sabotage (and would explain all the puzzles and codes the short-hair loves) these humans just simply aren't smart enough, or quick enough, or ninja-ey enough for this to be the explanation.

2. they are running from the law.

however, they're too straight to be crooks, their getaway car is a joke, and I've never seen a bag of loot.

3. I'm in the witness protection program and have amnesia.

this is the most likely scenario. they rarely let me out (and never unchaperoned) and every now and then they let me look at a one-cat lineup, where I always involuntarily hiss and feel very hostile towards the subject. they then close the door, say, "good piscin!" and then act as if nothing just happened. (this has happened four times, I've been attacked once, and one subject was in a cage) the memories I do have, are they even real? has my whole "life" been a lie? OH, and always, ALWAYS after this occurs, we relocate to a new living-cubicle.

TAG

humans and their silly games. well, I will play along this once. I think my human "tagged" me in jest, not truly realizing that I blog. she thought she was funny.

I'll show her funny.

here are 10 random facts, habits or goals about myself. I will not be tagging anyone, as I don't know anyone else, and even the ones I'm acquainted with I only know by description. I will list them however, just to amuse myself.


1. I worry that I will be an old maid. I'm not exactly sure what a "maid" is, but I sure don't want to be an old one.

2. I have raw talent for bird calling. I practice all the time, and one day I will be the best.

3. i'm deathly afraid of plastic bags. a plastic bag killed my father.

4. food is my vice. I've been known to beg for human food...cupcake frosting, pot pie, oyster crackers, french fries, granola.....oh, morris, granola!!!

5. my four paws are white, like I'm wearing boots.

6. i want to know what's behind the door and down the hall, but I want to explore it myself...not be carried by a stupid human. so demeaning.

7. In my prime I was a boxing champion, feared by strays. No one comes into my house. One hiss from me and they wouldn't even come near my house.

8. I witnessed the murder of two baby rabbits. I can still hear the screams.

9. I'm addicted to the box of moving pictures. the humans don't know, but that's the real reason why I sit on the back of their cushiony furniture, so they won't see how engrossed I am. I pretend to sleep.

10. going for a ride in my humans' car is exhilerating! my picture gets taken (though I don't always know where to look), and sometimes I feel like I might throw up, but I haven't yet!





10 humans I know:

the short-hair -- while her head is also good for running vault takeoffs, she won me over with her patience
the bald one -- he's been known to leave me places, but he's always glad when I find my way home. also a good back-scratcher.
the long-hair -- there's just something about this one...
the red-haired one aka "gaius" -- a trusted spook. my humans can never see us together.
the belt-wearing brown-hair -- often attached to the red-hair's arm. I like the funny gurgly noises she makes.
the gangly one -- he likes to hold me in physically uncomfortable positions. I try to give my humans "the look"...you know, the glare that says, "You've GOT to be kidding me." I think they got it...I haven't seen him around in a long time.
the princess -- she likes me for who I am and is always concerned with how I'm doing. I like that.
the british one -- he calls me "pishy"
the content one -- she doesn't come over often, but she's always very happy when she's here. from what I can gather, she drives the same vehicle as my short-hair and they are very good friends. I approve.
the scrawny orange-hair -- I've seen him once. he was plotting with the short-hair about some type of proposal. I tried to figure it out, but words like "tri-unity" mean nothing to me. and what is an "ashley"?
the skinny bald one -- he gives off that don't-like-cats vibe. which is fine. I'm sure I give off a don't-like-vegetarians vibe.
the our-mrs. human -- apparently she still is in possession of some of my humans' round disc things. she's really tall, which terrifies me, but her jovial bubbliness is pleasing to my ears from the other end of the apartment.
the blonde one -- she had to be taught to flush the toilet before I would drink out of it, but she was a quick learner